Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Chuck Norris Facts More Applicable to Professor Stephen Hawking


I'm not sure how you knew that I dabble in theoretical physics, but I needed to giggle, so thank you, P.R., for sending me these Chuck Norris Facts as applied to Professor Hawking.

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1.  There is no theory of evolution.  Just a list of creatures Professor Stephen Hawking has allowed to live.

2.  Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Professor Stephen Hawking.

3.  Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Professor Stephen Hawking.  Professor Stephen Hawking eats black holes.  They taste like chicken.

4.  Professor Stephen Hawking counted to infinity - twice.

5.  There is no such thing as global warming. Professor Stephen Hawking was cold, so he turned the sun up.

6.  Professor Stephen Hawking doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

7.  It is scientifically impossible for Professor Stephen Hawking to have had a mortal father.  The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

8.  Professor Stephen Hawking can divide by zero.

9.  Professor Stephen Hawking has 12 moons.  One of those moons is the Earth.

10.  Professor Stephen Hawking invented black.  In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light.  Except pink.  Tom Cruise invented pink.

11.  When taking the SAT, write "Professor Stephen Hawking" for every answer.  You will score over 8000.

12.  It takes Professor Stephen Hawking 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

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Your obedient servant,
B. Freret

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Also, it is important to know that all of Stephen Hawking's shootings are drive by.

Bad Alice said...

Love this! Particularly that he went back in time and fathered himself.

Rhys said...

It should also be noted that professor Stephen Hawkings has presided over the evolution of the vagina.