Monday, November 13, 2006

Inappropriate Uses of Outtakes From SciFi’s Ghost Hunters


Inappropriate Uses of Outtakes From SciFi’s Ghost Hunters, as if the Outtakes were Catchphrases Adopted Into the Vernacular and Spoken as Responses to Serious Questions (Even Though Two are Not Really Questions)

I recently presented from memory some outtakes from the SciFi channel’s original series Ghost Hunters that I’d seen on a bloopers show.  P.R. commented that he was going to add some of these statements to his list of things he’d like to say sometime in a professional environment.

Having carefully considered this idea, I have decided that that no good would come from it, and I advise against doing so.  I think I have effectively illustrated why in the following hypothetical examples:

Q: “Mr. Boski, how do you explain your failure to log your entry into the pharmacology locker into the Log Book?”
A: “Dude, if you don’t stop singing Ghost Busters, I’m going to kick your ass.”

Q: “Boski, your sales last month were down eighteen percent from the month prior.  What are you going to do differently this month, to catch up?”
A: “I’d like to ‘Root Donna, if you know what I mean.”

Q: “Yes, Mr. Boski, how can we help you?”
A: “You’d better find that damn cable, or I’ll take care of you like I did Eckstrom.”

Q: “Mr. Boski, what part of ‘your application for Extreme Makeover has been rejected’ are you having difficulty understanding?”
A: “Sure, we’ve had our differences before, Brian, but be honest: do you think I have too many tattoos?”

Q: “So what is it about Middle Fork Seminary and Theological Academy that makes you want to study with us?”
A: “I’m Grant from Taps, we’re here to rock.”

Q: “You may feel some slight discomfort, Mr. Boski."
A: “Uh, Jason, you’re the boss – but exactly how are you going to check me for hot spots without the thermal?”

Q: “Ladies and gentlemen I am happy to present, for the first time as husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. Boski!”
A: “Is it just me, or does our soundtrack remind you of Doom 3?”

Q: “Mr. Boski, do you appreciate that if you do not stop talking THIS INSTANT, I will find you in contempt, and you will spend the next twenty four hours in the Sherriff’s custody?”
A: “I’m not saying ‘Full Body Apparition’ is the perfect name for your band, just that I think it is a great name for a band.”


Your obedient servant,
B. Freret

2 comments:

Boski93 said...

Mr. Freret,

Drat, I was hoping I could try these out, but you have layed out a convincing case.

I will just have to stick to the standards like:

"Hey they bought their tickets, I say let them crash" (I was able to drop this on in)

"Mo' money, mo problems"

"I am not going to pay a lot for this muffler."

"Hey did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

But again a thousand thanks for saving me from committing a faux paus of biblical proportions.

Signed,

A Humble Reader

B. Freret said...

Dear H.R.,

If you can spare a moment, and would be so kind, please contact me by email.

Your Humble Servant,
B. Freret