Monday, October 27, 2008

Misdelivered Missive


Found this handwritten note stuck in my front door this morning:

***

An honest admission to Mr. Nutsack, after arriving home to discover that you’d absconded with what you considered to be the items of value we accrued during our seventeen years together, while leaving behind certain intangibles like trust, fidelity, integrity, honor, love, and friendship:

You were not, as I had previously indicated, “the best lover I have ever had”. Nor were you, in the interest of candor and full disclosure, in the top three.

I do, however, genuinely hope that you enjoy the stereo.


***

The author must have erred in delivery, because I have not (yet) been in a seventeen year relationship, and have never gone by the name "Nutsack".

Regardless, I have reproduced the note here for your consideration.

Your humble and obedient servant,
B. Freret

6 comments:

jreed said...

While I connot begin to imply that the letter was meant for you, it can't be overlooked that while you may not have ever "gone" by the name Nutsack, it certainly has been appropriate at times.

Yours,
Mr. Dingleberry

B. Freret said...

I don’t know if there is any connection, but I did have the pleasure of becoming acquainted with the Nutsacks of Northamptonshire during a sabbatical. Fine people, those. Probably no relation, now that I think about it.

jreed said...

Lots of things can be filed under "sabbatical"

Silliyak said...

Sounds like submission material for "Found" or Passive/Agressive" blogs.

Jennifer Dziura said...

Maybe Mr. Nutsack left this woman because, after seventeen years together, she still can't figure out where he lives?

B. Freret said...

That would explain certain unexpected late night encounters I’ve enjoyed the past several years. And all this time I thought I was having a reoccurring dream...