Sunday, October 19, 2008

Thank you, Hummer Owner!

Dear Owner of the Black H3 Parked Outside of OfficeMax This Afternoon,

Thank you so much for the unexpected opportunity to explain to my six year old son the “WORLD’S GREATEST FUCK” bumper sticker affixed to the rear of your vehicle!

Once I’d finished my explanation, he seemed to feel genuine compassion for the freakishly grotesque inadequacies you so desperately want to ignore. Honestly, world’s greatest fuck? On a Hummer? Tears welled up in his eyes as he struggled to comprehend how horrible it must be to walk in your shoes. (And I almost wept for the lover you are unable to satisfy. Until I realized that she is likely having her needs met elsewhere.)

We are so sorry for you, and I thank you for unwittingly helping me teach my son that we are all God’s blessed creatures. Even neurotic assholes such as yourself.

B. Freret

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