Friday, October 23, 2009

Admonitions I've Unsuccessfully Tried to Shout Out the Car Window, Part I

"While I appreciate that you’ve stopped in the middle of the street to encourage that truck waiting at the intersection to turn out in front of you by waiving frantically at the driver, as the car immediately behind you, I couldn’t help but notice that our light is green (so, presumably, his red light will eventually turn green as well, eliminating the need for such a selfless gesture of kindness on your part) and while I cannot speak for any driver other than myself, I personally believe that your obligations with respect to the right of way are greater to the fifteen cars behind you who are presently avoiding rear ending one another because you’ve stopped for no reason at a green light."

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Inventing a Twitter Hashtag: Awesome Things for Sociopaths

I follow Kurt's 1000 Awesome Things on Twitter, for good reason: they often make me smile. Warm fuzzies ensue.

But it dawned on me that the awesome things are all biased toward feel-good items that make reasonably normal people smile.

So what if you're an ass?

Would, say, Niccolo Machiavelli think the same things are awesome that you or I or 1000 Awesome Things would?

I don't think so.

So I created my own hashtag: #MachiavellianAwesome. Some highlights include:

  1. Being armed before all else.
  2. Conferring benefits gradually, so they will taste better.
  3. Doing injury to a man so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.
  4. Deceiving the deceiver.
  5. Being feared rather than being loved.
  6. Having legitimate reasons to break ones promise.
Don't sociopaths need a reason to smile, too?

Respectfully, I remain,
Boudreau Freret

Friday, October 09, 2009

Obama Receives Awards While America Slept

President Barack Obama made history early Friday, winning several awards while most Americans were still asleep, including the Nobel Prize for Peace.

The Norwegian Nobel Committee recognized Obama's work to address a number of issues considered significant to the world, including working toward the eradication of nuclear weapons.

"Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future," the Committee said. The announcement Friday from Oslo, Norway, came as a surprise - Obama had not previously been mentioned as being considered for the honor.

"His diplomacy is founded in the concept that those who are to lead the world must do so on the basis of values and attitudes that are shared by the majority of the world's population," the Committee said.

An Obama administration official said when the president was told he had won, the President said he was humbled to be chosen.

The announcement was not met with universal praise.

De facto Republican National Committee Chair Rush Reed issued a statement just after the Committee's announcement which read, in part, "[T]his is exactly what we've been saying all along - Obama is not one of us, he is more interested in bowing down to 'international interests' and 'matters of global significance, to the whole of humanity' than he is in serving Americans and Traditional American Values(TM).... [W]e fully expect impeachment proceedings to commence in the House early next week."

In addition to the Nobel Prize for Peace, Obama received several other unexpected accolades late Thursday night and early Friday, including:

  1. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced that Obama would receive an Oscar for Best Male Performance in a Leading Role.
  2. Good Housekeeping Research Institute issued a statement that Obama had been awarded their coveted Seal of Approval.
  3. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety held a press conference to disclose that Obama received the highest crashworthiness rating, Five Stars, in every category tested.
  4. The Heisman Trust announced Obama the winner of a special Heisman Memorial Trophy.

Finally, an overwhelmed Obama is reported to have awarded himself the Presidential Medal of Freedom during breakfast.

Humbly, I remain,
Boudreau Freret