Haiku for Spring

This was just forwarded to me, and I am so excited by the sights and sounds and smells of spring invoked that I have to pass it on:

hateful spring goldfish
vacant stare, slack jawed, pooping -
just pinch that thing off

I am without words - breathless - at the artistry!

Respectfully I remain,
B. Freret

Notable Exceptions to C. Odbody’s Assertion “No Man is a Failure Who Has Friends.”

After a lifetime of taking Clarence Odbody’s famous inscription as true, a number of exceptions* dawned on me in the shower this morning, including:

Thomas Andrews
Adolf Hitler
Mary Mallon
Richard Nixon / George W. Bush
Jim Jones / David Koresh / Marshall Applewhite
Guglielmo and Bonanno Pisano (or Diotisalvi. Depending.)
Samuel Langley
Pope Paul V / Cardinal Bellarmine

This epiphany has forced me to reevaluate my own sense of success, and I am not pleased.

Your humble and obed’t Serv’t,
B. Freret

* This list is intended to be illustrative and not exhaustive, and assumes that Mr. Odbody intended gender neutrality.

The Author's Checklist

Upon reading this, a friend was kind enough to forward me a checklist intended to assist aspiring writers. Thank you! I am reproducing it here for S.D.’s benefit:

Author’s Checklist

1. Pens, pencils (and erasers), highlighters
2. Paper (assorted blank pads and loose-leaf paper as well as accumulated notebooks of scribbled snippets)
3. Computer (with word processor) and printer
4. Reference Materials
5. Suitable working environment
6. Designated work time / schedule
7. Coffee (or tea)
8. Cat(s)
9. Music (optional)
10. Alcoholism / chemical dependency (active or in recovery)
11. Neuroses (including, at the very least, narcissism and self loathing)
12. Skittles

Again, thank you, and S.D. I hope that you find this useful!

Your humble and obed’t Serv’t,
B. Freret

An Open Letter to the Owner of the New Cadillac with a “CONSERVATIVE IN EXILE” Bumper Sticker

I couldn’t help but notice that you appear to be in your homeland.

(Perhaps you misunderstand the meaning of the word exile? Or perhaps you’re a foreign national, and simply look like a puffy old white man from Ohio?)

Regardless, drive on, sir!

Your humble and obed’t Serv’t,
B. Freret