Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Haiku for Spring


This was just forwarded to me, and I am so excited by the sights and sounds and smells of spring invoked that I have to pass it on:


hateful spring goldfish
vacant stare, slack jawed, pooping -
just pinch that thing off



I am without words - breathless - at the artistry!

Respectfully I remain,
B. Freret

Friday, March 20, 2009

Notable Exceptions to C. Odbody’s Assertion “No Man is a Failure Who Has Friends.”


After a lifetime of taking Clarence Odbody’s famous inscription as true, a number of exceptions* dawned on me in the shower this morning, including:

Thomas Andrews
Adolf Hitler
Mary Mallon
Richard Nixon / George W. Bush
Jim Jones / David Koresh / Marshall Applewhite
Guglielmo and Bonanno Pisano (or Diotisalvi. Depending.)
Samuel Langley
Pope Paul V / Cardinal Bellarmine

This epiphany has forced me to reevaluate my own sense of success, and I am not pleased.

Your humble and obed’t Serv’t,
B. Freret

* This list is intended to be illustrative and not exhaustive, and assumes that Mr. Odbody intended gender neutrality.

Friday, March 13, 2009

The Author's Checklist


Upon reading this, a friend was kind enough to forward me a checklist intended to assist aspiring writers. Thank you! I am reproducing it here for S.D.’s benefit:

Author’s Checklist

  1. Pens, pencils (and erasers), highlighters
  2. Paper (assorted blank pads and loose-leaf paper as well as accumulated notebooks of scribbled snippets)
  3. Computer (with word processor) and printer
  4. Reference Materials
  5. Suitable working environment
  6. Designated work time / schedule
  7. Coffee (or tea)
  8. Cat(s)
  9. Music (optional)
  10. Alcoholism / chemical dependency (active or in recovery)
  11. Neuroses (including, at the very least, narcissism and self loathing)
  12. Skittles
Again, thank you, and S.D. I hope that you find this useful!

Your humble and obed’t Serv’t,
B. Freret

Thursday, March 12, 2009

An Open Letter to the Owner of the New Cadillac with a “CONSERVATIVE IN EXILE” Bumper Sticker


I couldn’t help but notice that you appear to be in your homeland.

(Perhaps you misunderstand the meaning of the word exile? Or perhaps you’re a foreign national, and simply look like a puffy old white man from Ohio?)

Regardless, drive on, sir!

Your humble and obed’t Serv’t,
B. Freret